I can’t believe I’m starting with this, but there was a popular song back in 1973 with the refrain “I don’t ask for much, I only want your trust, and you know it don’t come easy.” It was composed by former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr, who’s still around and performing. Whenever I heard it on the car radio I would crank it up, not just for the catchy rhythm, but its message.

Trust can be hard to come by. If we feel we’ve been honest and authentic with someone, we expect the same of them. Trust is based on reciprocity.

Trust is often measured by the level to which you know someone is, as it used to be said, “shooting to you straight.” No B.S., just candor and the feeling that you can count on them doing what they say they’ll do. Trust is an essential part of personal and professional character. Its importance puts it at the top of the twelve points of the Boy Scout Law, “A scout is trustworthy…,” you can depend on them to be truthful and keep promises.

Trust is woven into every fabric of our lives. Family, friends, colleagues and business relationships are built entirely around it. Fractures in trust can damage or even destroy those relationships and are only restored, if possible, by working through misunderstandings or, even harder, admitting someone screwed up or did something wrong, whether intentionally or not.

Detecting trust can be a challenge. Common sense slogans have formed around this, such as “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.“ Scammers and grifters make a living pitching trust to what they hope are gullible people. You’ve heard it before: “Partner with me and I guarantee you’ll make back ten times your investment.” Not surprisingly, even AI models, like your roboinvestment account, are continuously improving to gain your trust. After all, “when users trust AI, they are more likely to adopt and utilize these technologies more effectively,” or so an AI search engine tells me.

Politicians are notoriously known for a lack of trustworthiness, as polling data frequently show. In politics, trust is built entirely around a shifting web of associations to advance an agenda or more often political ambition. Remove those political alliances and relationships are no longer useful and can quickly fall apart. A political consultant once flatly told me that “there are no friends in politics,” and I’ve found her to be largely right. No wonder President Truman once said, “If you’re looking for a friend in Washington, get a dog.” Indeed, although based on a pack instinct, dogs are so beloved precisely because of their trustworthy companionship. 

Successful business relationships are based fully on trust. A high-quality product or service can be offered at a fair price, but knowing a business will follow up if something goes wrong is trust-building. Restaurants and other “word of mouth” establishments are heavily invested in cultivating trust with patrons and know that getting a bad food order fixed or replaced will keep them returning. The same goes for companies like auto repair shops, home remodelers and elder care providers. The Better Business Bureau built their model not just by reporting consumer problems with businesses but through attempting to restore trust by bringing the parties together to resolve issues.

Trust can be elusive. You can look for it in other people or even institutions, but what you think is there might not be. Trust must be earned and demonstrated through actions over time. At least to start, you may have to “trust” your instincts, which is a knack of discerning the character of people or organizations with whom you seek to build relationships. Initiating relationships usually requires giving the other side some benefit of the doubt.

In any case, it won’t always come easy.