If you ask anyone, most people will likely agree that the old saying “honesty is the best policy” is always a preferable way of dealing with people. Being straightforward with others, not dodging or bending the truth, is still thought of as virtuous, no matter what we see or hear going on around us that tells us otherwise.
Being truthful in our daily lives is usually easy, unless it comes with a cost. If we expect someone might be hurt, offended or react against us if they find out the truth, we become very circumspect about what we might say, or even avoid saying anything at all. It is rarer and more exceptional when we realize we have wronged someone and are driven, if we have a conscience, to admit it. Some might call this seeking contrition, when apologizing is the only way to reconcile ourselves with others. We’re in a political season, and in politics admitting you are wrong is as rare as a four-leaf clover.
Gaslighting, or the psychological manipulation of people through twisting the truth, happens all the time in politics, especially during the heat of political races. You’re seeing that now on television, in your mail and on your phone. But on rare occasions I’ve been pleasantly surprised to witness a handful in the political arena who have the courage to admit they were wrong and apologize. Honesty at that level requires an absolute psychological gear shift. It can make you vulnerable to ridicule and feel like a weaker person because you said or did something you regret. You might make amends with others and clear your conscience, but many would rather go through Dante’s nine circles of Hell.
I’ve personally witnessed some of this brave honesty over the years. While serving on the Crestwood Board of Aldermen, a retired chemist and city resident, Dr. David Brophy, attended virtually every board meeting and spoke at almost as many, at times elevating his voice to make a point. He tracked municipal affairs closely, scrutinizing the city’s budget reports with a fine-toothed comb, being a strong believer in transparency and accountability. In many ways, he epitomized “citizen participation” in government, although more than a few I served with considered him an annoyance. He called city administrators, the mayor and aldermen frequently. I remember one day he was so concerned about an issue he called me four or five times, checking and double-checking information to make sure he got it right. A meticulous researcher, he took his findings to board meetings to share with us.
One night Dr. Brophy brought in a stack of papers related to a commercial development model used by other communities he thought could be applied to Crestwood, which at the time was grappling with the abandonment of the old Crestwood Mall. Everyone moaned as he slowly went through his findings. But then something very unusual happened. At the next aldermanic meeting, he stepped up to speak, everyone waiting for an extended lecture. Instead, he approached the podium to say that what he presented was, as he had since found out, completely unsuitable to Crestwood. A man whom I had never heard admit he was wrong apologized for taking up so much of the board’s time at the previous meeting. Everyone was stunned. The silence was broken only after the mayor thanked him for his statement. Some might have thought Brophy had pie on his face, but he looked unfazed. Being right and righteous, even most of the time, didn’t negate his sense of responsibility to do the right thing. David Brophy died after a long battle with cancer in 2020.
On a more recent occasion, during a November election night watch party at a local restaurant four years ago, a candidate I knew walked in who had been in a hard-fought race for a South County state representative seat. I asked how he expected the race to turn out, and he candidly acknowledged that he would likely lose — which he did. Then, astoundingly, he said something to me I never heard before and will likely never hear again. While spending the whole day out at the polls, he ran into his opponent and members of his family. When he had a moment, he said to his opponent that he was deeply sorry for all the horrible things said about him that had been sent out in campaign mailers. He had gotten to know his rival as a good, family-focused man, and while he disagreed with him on the issues, the smears directed against him were flat out wrong. I could tell he was morally outraged by what had happened. Keep in mind his apology was directed at an opponent of the opposite political party.
I’m not mentioning his name because he’s now running in another state representative race. I wish he were running in my district.
